The V-Spot: My BF Can't Regularly Climax
Hello Yana!
My partner and I have been dating for almost a year, and we have incredible hot, passionate, and sometimes explorative sex. But ever since we have met he has always had an issue with climaxing.
At the beginning of our relationship he chalked it up to nerves — he had only slept with one other person before and didn’t climax with her either. He is able to make himself climax, but even that he says is difficult, unless it’s very aggressive. It’s been a year with very frequent sex, and we’ve tried many different things such as different positions, long sessions, and different lubes. Even with these efforts I think he’s only climaxed a handful of times.
This has been a struggle for us because it makes us both feel self-conscious. It also adds stress to our relationship and makes us both feel a bit insecure. He went to his doctor and the only recommendation was to eat healthier. This issue is something we both have been feeling hopeless about, and I’m anxious to hear back!
— Insecure Significant Other
Dear Insecure & Significant,
It can be oh-so-easy to take a climax personally. The all mighty (or, so we hope) orgasm has been frequently marketed to us as the goal, the point, the main attraction, and therefore, the validating stamp of approval, of sex. Basically, it makes perfect sense that y’all feel this way.
I’m not here to tell you to stop caring about climax even though you’ve described your sex life as otherwise “hot, passionate, and explorative” regardless of its frequency. I think the reframing of sex as worthy without orgasm can certainly be helpful. However, if the lack of climax is wreaking havoc in your sex life, I don’t blame you for wanting to make it come back (or, well, come at all).
I must admit that I do wish your boyfriend was the one writing in this question…continue reading…
