First-of-all: Love the mental image of you doing strap-on training with specific core exercises — adorable and practical. Second-of-all: If you wanted this question to double as a personal ad, mission accomplished (see first-of-all).

Anyhoo, what you’ve dug up in your research is all helpful advice that I would also give: get comfortable with the equipment by wearing it around your house, incorporate it into your sex life via masturbation, and get some concrete tips and inspiration from how-tos and erotica.

I sadly do not have a specific list of exercises that would target the muscles most needed in strap-on sex (though someone should definitely make that zine) but I do think you’re right that anything involving your core, glutes, and any/all muscles used in prolonged thrusting could be helpful. However, let’s not forget that a strap-on wearer can also kick back and enjoy some less rigorous positions such as having their partner be on top and/or having them do most of the thrusting work from the receiving end of things. I know you mentioned that you identify as a top in the sack but remember, (consensually, of course) bossing someone around to get to doing the work can be a great top-space to occupy.

As you may have found in your Googling, one of the trickier things about wearing a strap-on can be the disconnect between what you can feel and where the dildo actually is. For some people, this can result in missed-entries, accidental slip-outs, and maybe awkwardly giving it to the mattress for a couple seconds. I sort of wonder if there’s a way to work on your aim like practicing on a couple of pushed together pillows or festively hanging up some cider donuts on a string and seeing how many you can snag but maybe that’s just too ridiculous.

In the moment, some more practical ways to decrease this disconnect include removing the pad between the base of the dildo and your body (if the harness’s pad is removable), using a vibrating or double-ended dildo, or working with good old-fashioned pressure + leaving the lights on so you can see what you’re doing.

The best strap-on skill you can hone before you bone is the confidence and ability to talk about how it’s going, in the moment, in a way that still feels sexy and comfortable to you. Because of the aforementioned disconnect and some real-time adjustments that need to be made like tightening/loosening harness straps or repositioning for better aim, pleasure, and comfort, it’s important to remember that talking during sex is one of the most essential tools in your toybox. Cat can really get your tongue in those heated moments, so get to brainstorming your words.

Yana Tallon-Hicks is a relationship therapist, sex educator, and writer living in the Pioneer Valley. You can find her work and her professional contact information on her website, yanatallonhicks.com.