No matter how sure someone might be about the decision to end or continue a pregnancy — whether that be via having a baby, electing an abortion, or even taking a Plan B pill — this decision can bring up a lot of mixed emotions. Even if your primary emotion is “Yes! This is what I’ve decided to do!” it’s perfectly healthy to have conflicting feelings like doubt, sadness, and anxiety about your choice.

It seems like y’all made the right choice for the both of you and that it also brought up some challenging feelings about what ending the pregnancy actually means — you going through a surgery that you’ve had negative experiences with before, him feeling partially responsible for this, and the fear of a repeat experience happening in the future.

It sounds like this is your second abortion and your boyfriend’s first abortion experience. So it’s possible that he’s going to be moving through this process at a different pace than you are. While you’ve bounced back quickly and feel ready and hopeful to have sex again, your partner might need more time. There can be a notable experiential difference between the theoretical agreement that you’re not ready to be parents yet, and the lived experience of accidentally getting pregnant and taking steps to manage the reality of it.

My main piece of advice is to take your time. It’s only been a couple of weeks, after all, so I would go easy on yourselves in terms of expecting to be right back to the usual again, and I wouldn’t put too much stock in the worry that this will now be the new normal FOREVER. Likely, it won’t be.

Let your partner know that it’s okay if he’s feeling mixed feelings about the abortion, encourage him to talk about his fears about another accidental pregnancy, and allow him to take his time to get back into things.

If he’s feeling guilty about being a contributor to the accidental pregnancy…continue reading…