Dear Yana,
I want to break up with my boyfriend of a few years. As we both near 30 I’m getting clearer that he’s just not the guy for me.
But here’s the thing: We live together. We have a lease together. We share a car and a cat and just have so many logistical ties to each other that I’m having a really hard time figuring out a way to break up with him that makes everything as easy as possible.
I know that in the end we’re going to break up, but the timing just seems so hard. Do you have any suggestions for when or how I might find an opening to do it at the right time?
Babe Needs to Break Up
Dear BnB,
When it comes to ending relationships of course we’d all like to make the break as clean as possible, but the nature of break-ups is that, ultimately, something needs to end up broken. Cracks, fractures, and snaps are rarely successfully made without leaving behind at least one jagged edge. Putting effort into avoiding them completely is usually effort wasted. This doesn’t mean that there aren’t ways to break up well and lessen the damage, but coming to grips that things will be messy by design will save you some sweat.
I always find myself surprised at how, toward the end of a relationship, the things you loved most about your partner at the beginning can be the most toxic aspects of them at the end. Organized and driven becomes controlling and anal-retentive; Refreshing spontaneity becomes predictable irresponsibility; Sassy flirtation looks like a wandering eye, etc.
The first step to breaking up well is remembering that your partner doesn’t need to be the undesirable bad guy in order to justify your decision to break up. Break-ups are allowed without projection…continue reading…
