I’m a 61-year-old woman dating two men. One of them is a retired, 75-year-old secure man who knows who he is. The other is in his 50s and is still trying to figure it all out. Neither of them knows about the other one and live at a distance from each other. I just ended a 35 year marriage and don’t want to be in a committed relationship right now. I love parts of both of them and I love what both of them bring to the table. Who do I choose? I don’t want to stop dating either of them. I guess I’m just seeking validation that it’s okay to date two men at once.
I can only imagine how dating practices, taboos and norms have changed in your 61 years. They’ve changed so much just in my 30! With the advent and availability of everything from the birth control pill to Tinder, the way we date, fall in love, have sex, and find people to do all of those wonderful things with has evolved at a rapid clip.
The most meaningful validation will come from within yourself, TBT. You sound happy and fulfilled so let’s shut down these mass messages that say dating two men at once is wrong, slutty, or shameful while a man doing this with two women makes him cool, powerful, or otherwise player-esque.
Secondly, in the 35 years since you got married and took a hiatus from playing the field, the rules of the game have changed. Casual sex, casual dating, and dating two people simultaneously is getting less risque by the minute. Buzzwords like “polyamory” and “open relationship” are flying around everywhere from books (see Opening Up by Tristan Taormino), reality TV shows, and even workshops, some of which are taught by yours truly.
At a recent workshop I met two participants in their 60s, one of whom had been practicing non-monogamy — the practice of dating more than one person simultaneously — for over 40 years. He described a long journey of being closeted about his multitudinous love life and relief at today’s more open dating culture. Long story short, you’re certainly not the only person in their 60s looking beyond monogamy…continue reading…
