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I’ve Got a High Sex Drive & HPV – Now What?

I’m a 26-year-old female with HPV and a high sex drive. Ever since my diagnosis I haven’t been able to have a lasting romantic or sexual relationship because I’m too scared to open up about this.

I’ve told my closest friends because I want them to know that they should take care of themselves, but when it comes to opening up to someone that I like, I get too self conscious and don’t let anything physical happen because I don’t want to risk it.

I’m a very affectionate person and I feel like I’m holding back on so much. I don’t want to end up pushing away all the love that I truly deserve just because I’m too scared to be honest. Truth is I do feel ashamed. How do I make peace with this?

Sexual shame does damage. It prevents many from getting sexual health care, from talking openly with our partners about sexual health, and promotes STI/STD transmission because rarely does Shame go anywhere without her bestie, Silence.

You’re not alone in your struggle with HPV (human papillomavirus). Half of all college-aged women contract HPV. HPV is so common, Free Me, that sexual healthcare providers have called it “a symptom of sexual activity itself” as 75 percent of sexually active people will experience an active HPV infection. You’re one of 20 million people with HPV right now, Free Me and, statistically speaking, your lovers may already be in the same boat with you…continue reading…

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Freaked about Fellatio

My friend seriously freaked me out when she told me that I should always use condoms for oral sex when I’m not in a longterm, monogamous relationship. Have I been sleeping on this or is she being dramatic? What are the transmission rates of STDs through oral sex?

We take risks every day. We take risks when we drive a car, we take risks when we fall in love — I took a risk today when I waded across a deep swimming river with my dog in one arm and my precious smartphone in the other.

We assess for and manage both minor and major physical and emotional risks everyday, in many ways that are unique to us. And sex is no different. Sex is a risky activity, both physically (pregnancy! STDs!) and emotionally (heartbreak! jealousy!). However, sex’s risks are often highlighted in a pleasure-negative, slut-shamey way with lots of focus on STDs/STIs as being “dirty,” “slutty,” and “unforgiveable.”

Some STDs/STIs are fatal and serious. Others are just as common and curable as other non-sex-induced illnesses. We wouldn’t call someone a whore because she caught a cold from a doorknob. We wouldn’t yell, “What were you doing touching doorknobs anyway!?”

Just as “wash your hands” is suggested risk management for colds, “use a condom during non-monogamous oral” is a suggested risk-management tool for safer sex…continue reading…

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Can I Ask My GF to Stop Using Her Vibrator?

With previous girlfriends it’s been easier over time to bring them to orgasm as I get to know their preferences and bodies, however my current girlfriend owns a Hitachi Magic Wand that she has been using for nine months.

It’s significantly more difficult now to bring her to orgasm with only fingers compared with a year ago. Has she lost clitoral sensitivity through using it? It’s now even at the point where the Hitachi isn’t enough stimulation and orgasms seem to be harder to reach.

Also, since getting the vibrator her attitude toward sex has been to lie down, use it, and have me do the rest. I’m all for being dominating sometimes, but sometimes you just want mutual participation in sex. Is it okay to ask her not to use it?

Your question rings of many other questions I’ve gotten in my years as The Neighborhood Sexpert: Can I get addicted to my vibrator? Will the ultra powerful vibrations of the Hitachi ruin me for other types of sex? Will my girlfriend’s vibrator replace me?

Usually when a dude scoffs at my suggestion that he get his girlfriend a vibrator (“Pssh! She doesn’t need that — she has me!”) I put on my best mock-surprise face and exclaim, “Wow! Your dick vibrates? That’s awesome!” And often a dude’s aversion to his girlfriend’s sex toy pisses me off. But yours, FSH, doesn’t! Sex toys add a wonderful variety to our sexual stimulation repertoire that might not be available to us given our anatomy: Dildos offer us customizable sizes and shapes, vibrators allow us the concentrated clitoral stimulation necessary to reach orgasm, etc.

When used in a way that suits both partners, sex toys enhance sexual interaction, not detract from it…continue reading…

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Help! My Small Penis Doesn’t Measure Up.

Does penis size matter? I’m a 20-year-old male and a tall guy who gyms a lot and has fairly good genetics … all but in the penis department. I’m 6 feet tall and I literally have a 4-incher.

I’ve found that a lot of girls are size queens and the girls I have been with have left as soon as they saw it or stayed for pity sex, which kinda left me finishing prematurely, and embarrassing myself to the point where I sorta teared up. I’ve had at least one time that I slept with a girl that was comforting (an old school friend), but we haven’t really spoken since.

So I find myself, a fairly attractive guy with one dilemma and I just don’t know what to do next. I really don’t know if I can reach the G-Spot and pleasure a woman. How do I accept that I have a small penis?

Social standards surrounding sex — like those we learn from porn, peers, and partners — are great at setting us up to feel not good enough. When it comes to sex we’re often told that we’re not wet enough, not busty enough, not thin enough, not orgasmic enough and — in your case — not big enough.

And then we’re doubly sexually duped as we’re also socially restricted to the kinds of sex that are deemed “normal” or acceptable — which is usually heterosexual, (big) penis-in- (tight) vagina missionary sex. These standards set everyone up to fail in the fucking department as it takes away our freedom to explore other avenues of sexual pleasure that work for us, our partners, and our unique sexual desires, abilities, and identities. These standards have kept the clitoris a mystery, invalidated LGBTQ sex, and, in your case, SMU, has made you feel really shitty about the DNA you were handed as a fetus…continue reading…


For those interested in the Vixen Ride-On mentioned in the column, you can find a review here.

To go with your Ride-On, you might went to check out the SpareParts Deuce Harness designed for men. Find Charlie Glickman’s Review of the Deuce here.