Not feeling good in our bodies can certainly contribute to our not feeling good about having our bodies touched, especially sexually. Self-consciousness and self-dislike can lead us to not truly believe that our partners love the body parts we ourselves don’t love. Or, we might not trust that their pleasurable reactions to pleasing our bodies are genuine or deserved.

This can be a tough feedback cycle to break but luckily there are always cracks to be found in these “ironclad truths” about ourselves. In fact, this is precisely what I help clients do in my work: find the exceptions to these “rules” we’ve internalized about our sexual selves and critically examine their accuracy.

Another person who dives into this work is fellow local sex educator Danny Brave(Instagram @thesexwizard), a Queer Healer, Writer, Trans* Life Coach, & Somatic Sex Educator In-Training. As someone who works specifically in the realm of your conundrum, I consulted him for a second opinion. Here are his Top 4 pieces of advice that’ll hopefully help create some new, more accurate truths and bring you the shared touch you’re looking for:

Danny Brave: This is a courageous question and as a fellow trans guy who has experienced dysphoria, I can relate. I don’t identify as asexual, so take only what is helpful to you and with a grain of salt!

1.) Practice being touched platonically in a way that’s completely guided by you and outside of a sexual context. Taking sex out of touch may feel more palatable or safe while satisfying the desire for touch. For example, ask for a specific way to be cuddled for a short period of time — 2-10 minutes (2 if it’s really outside of your comfort zone, 10 if it feels like it’s within it). Touch can be sooooo mutually pleasurable without sexual energy or the pressure to bring it into a sexual context.

2.) Remind your partner that you’re receiving via giving to them…continue reading…