The V-Spot: I Wanna Be Topped By My Top Surgeon
Dear Yana,
I’ve been struggling a bit for the last few weeks. I’m a little bitty trans guy who recently had top surgery and I somehow managed to get it bad for my surgeon. Fantasizing about her is one thing (I should also mention that I’m a sub), but it’s grown into this almost active search for older, powerful and dominant women looking for someone like me (submissive trans guy).
Mostly I feel kinda hopeless. To no one’s surprise, it’s all too common to find cis gay men actively searching for trans bottoms, but where are these women I dream of? Do they exist?
Where do I start?
— Just Try to Top Me
Dear Top Me,
If nothing else, writing into the sex column is a hell of a way to place a local personal ad. I mean, if anyone fits the bill out there, shoot me an email and maybe we can make a love connection happen, eh?
Sex researcher and writer Zhana Vrangalova recently wrote a piece for queer news and culture blog Them about studies that have supported the idea that it’s quite common for trans people’s desires and attractions to shift post-surgery and/or after starting hormones.
Always a thorough and impressive researcher, I highly recommend reading Vrangalova’s article itself, in which she talks about several studies — one of which was done in our fair state of Massachusetts in 2015 that reported desire and attraction changes post-social transition in 49% of trans masculine and 64% of trans feminine individuals in a 452-participant study.
As Vrangalova is clear to state, sexual orientation is undoubtedly a universally fluid concept, and so shifts in attraction could be no different in the trans population than in the cisgender population, though Vrangalova also cites studies showing that the rates of this attraction-shift tend to be higher in trans populations, “suggesting there are likely other factors at play among trans folks.”
Studies or no, here you are, having it bad for your top surgeon and actively fantasizing harder than before about older, dominant women. For what it’s worth, it sounds like you’re at least not alone in noticing a sizable shift in your desires post-surgery, but what do you do with them?…