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I’m a 17-year-old virgin. My partner and I tried having sex, but we couldn’t get it in. I went to the doctor for contraception and I asked her why we couldn’t get it in. She said that I needed to relax; how the hell do I relax?! During sex (or trying to) I wasn’t worried. I was a bit daunted by it because I had no sexual experience — none, nada, nothing! Do you have any advice on how I can relax?

Secondly, I’ve never given oral. I want to try everything at least once. In my head I think, “I can totally do this, I’m fine, I’ll just go for it,” but when I was in the situation where I could give him oral, I couldn’t do it. I think at best, I’m worried about the taste. I’m also worried about whether he’ll like it or not, or whether it’ll accidentally brush against my teeth. Do you have any advice on how I might overcome this? Or any advice on giving head?

When I’m not writing this column, I’m teaching workshops about sex and consent. Teaching these workshops to youth has made one thing clear: Teens are getting a lot of confusing and inaccurate information about sex. Most problematically, movies, porn, and music rarely portray anyone talking to each other about the sex they’re having.

So, you’re taking great first steps towards your first time by including visiting your doctor, discussing contraception (Please also discuss STI/STD protection with your doctor and partner), voicing your worries, and seeking reliable information.

Here’s my best advice for all your questions: Talk with your partner. This sounds simple, but it works wonders and is No. 1 on the list of things-I-wish-I’d-done-differently-my-first-time amongst adults…continue reading…