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Pee or ‘squirt’? Understanding vaginal ejaculation

Hi Yana,

I started masturbating when I was in high school and there would be times where something would feel good, but then I would feel my muscles relax and suddenly my bed would be wet with pee — sometimes a lot of pee. It was like in certain positions I had no control over keeping pee in my body. Sometimes it even happened if I peed before I masturbated! Then it happened in partner sex. I was having sex with someone with a penis, I was on top and suddenly I was peeing all over him. That time I did really have to pee so it made some sense. Much more recently I was having sex and my partner was fingering me, and it felt good and I was wet, but then I was really wet and when I moved there was a large wet spot on the bed. I had peed again!

Is this just a part of the way my body works? Does this happen to others? I’m trying not to be too embarrassed about it, but both times it felt pretty mortifying. I already have a lot of problems feeling comfortable when having sex with others and this worry that I will randomly pee isn’t helping.

— Peeing Problems

Hi PP –

Many people hand over their hard-earned dollars for me to teach them, in my sex educational workshops, how to do what you’re doing which, to me, sounds a lot like vaginal ejaculation — “squirting,” as the mainstream, XXX-rated world might say.

This isn’t to say that you should automatically turn that frown upside down. As with all things sexual and erotic, there are a million different strokes for just as many folks, and if squirting is one person’s holy grail and your total pain in the ass, that’s okay, too. But I wonder if connecting this damp phenomenon to your sexual pleasure rather than your perceived urinary incontinence will provide you with a wee bit of relief. (Couldn’t help myself.)

There’s one dreaded study that just keeps recirculating on my social media timelines “proving” that vaginal ejaculate is “just pee.” This unimpressive study was done on a small sample — seven people. During analysis of the sample ejaculate, researchers found three substances that are also common in urine: urea, creatinine, and uric acid. They then promptly jumped to the conclusion that all female ejaculate is JUST PEE, Y’ALL. Phew! For a minute I was worried that vaginal pleasure could stand apart from reproductive or penis-pleasing purposes. GOOD THING IT’S JUST PEE and we can go back to shaming women for enjoying their sexual bodies…continue reading…

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Do Your Kegels!

Hi Yana,

I’m a young undergraduate student and yet I’ve been having issues with bladder control. I’ve been wanting to explore doing more Kegels and have heard of these kegel balls you can get. Do you know anything about that? I want to get a good brand/the right material because, obviously, it’s going in my vagina.

— Kegel Kid

Hi KK,

I’m sorry to hear that your bladder isn’t doing what you need it to do — that sounds really frustrating.

First thing is to get checked out at your doctor. Struggling with bladder control at your age is unusual and deserves some attention.

Secondly, many people unfamiliar with the experience of G-spot ejaculation can confuse vajaculation with pee and/or bladder problems. The G-spot’s close location to the urethra can easily confuse our bodies and brains, telling us that we are actually peeing rather than releasing vaginal ejaculate.

If your bladder issues arise consistently during sex, it might be worth doing a little research about the G-spot (my old columns and website have plenty of information on this topic). If you’re having bladder issues in other everyday ways, then return to step one: visit your doctor.

“Doing your Kegels” is a drive-by piece of advice that became really popular a handful of years ago (I’m tempted to blame an episode of Sex and the City). It’s also the piece of advice I give out the most that leaves the phrase “practice what you preach” ringing in my ears the loudest. It’s something we all can/should do more — no matter our gender or genitalia.

Kegel exercises (named after yet another modest doctor who discovered them) work out your pubococcygeus (PC) muscles, which stretch along your pelvic floor and contract during that little thing called an orgasm. The easiest — but maybe not the sexiest — way to locate them is to stop your urine-stream while peeing. The muscles you use to do this are your PC muscles and interrupting your stream may be considered a Kegel exercise. Once you’ve mastered how to contract them, you can practice in places other than the pot — just make sure you’re actually flexing your PCs and not simply clenching your butt cheeks…continue reading…

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Live *WEBINAR*: The G-Spot & Vaginal Ejaculation! // July 21st

LIVE WEBINAR: The G-Spot & Vaginal Ejaculation || Thu, Jul 21, 2016 7:30 PM – 9:00 PM Eastern Standard Time {New York} || $15 per seat || 18+ || register & purchase tickets here! 

Workshop Description: This webinar busts myths about the G-Spot & Vaginal Ejaculation (it doesn’t exist! it’s the best orgasm ever! OMG PEE!!) and leaves participants with tools and tricks to learn the vaginal ejaculation trade.

This webinar lets participants tune in as I present live how to choose and utilize sex toys for G-Spot stimulation {non-explicit demonstration only}, present lube 11401179_771921860468_9034498346160463912_ndemos, and teach sexual anatomy 101 to teach about where this sneaky spot is, how to stimulate it (on yourself & others) and how to work towards the epic squirt.

Taking a holistic approach to sexual pleasure, this webinar also offers information about the clitoris, the power of our sexual context, and how to talk to partners about our pleasure. Open, honest and full of humor, this webinar reminds participants to have fun as they explore the sexual pleasure packed in this little spot.

Webinar will include time for participant questions and attendees will log off with helpful handouts and the password to my personal online selection of resources to dig into when the webinar is over.

|| Register & purchase tickets here !! || 

Read more about Yana & her work here on her About Me page.

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Double the Pleasure w/Synced Orgasms

Hi Yana,

I recently attended one of your workshops about the G-spot and it worked! My partner and I went home that night and I squirted. But it’s so strange because when I squirt it doesn’t happen as I climax. It isn’t like a climactic orgasm. It just feels crazy good and then I squirt. We were wondering if we could time it so that I could have the clitoral climax at the same time that I squirt?

— Star Squirting Student

Dear SSS,

Holy Star Student status! Plenty of folks report success with their newly learned sexpertise from my workshops, but OMG-spot, rarely do people go straight home and start squirting all over the place the very same night. As I say in my workshops, I can spend hours giving you information, but it’s up to you to have the bravery to utilize and communicate that information to your IMG_6401partners — so good on you.

I’m so glad you bring this up as in my G-spot workshops, I aim to address many myths barring us from great G-spot explorations and pleasures including:

That it doesn’t exist. (Hi, it does — I don’t just go around teaching workshops about unicorns);

That female ejaculation is pee. (I’m a grown woman, I think I know the difference between peeing my bed and having an orgasm);

And finally, that a G-spot orgasm is the orgasm of all orgasms.

You are living, breathing, squirting proof, SSS, that this simply isn’t true for everyone. While a G-spot orgasm feels more like an internal, pleasurable release, a clitoral orgasm can often feel more surface, intense and, well, climactic.

If we look at where these two pleasurable spots are located and how they’re stimulated, this makes a lot of sense...continue reading…


LIVE WEBINAR: The G-Spot & Vaginal Ejaculation || Thu, Jul 21, 2016 7:30 PM – 9:00 PM Eastern Standard Time {New York} || $15 per seat || 18+ || details & tickets here!

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Honestly, I Could Do Without the Squirt

Hello Yana,

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost a year. We’re in our 20s, and he’s a few years older than me. There have been times when we’re intimate when he doesn’t provide me with oral sex. He’s never close to ejaculating while inside me. He only does so after I give him a blow job, and it’s not a lot of semen.

Also, he puts his fingers inside me and does this thing to make me “orgasm,” which causes me to expel liquid. I’m not crazy about it and I don’t consider it an orgasm, since I know what one feels like.

I don’t know how to tell him that I can do without it. I don’t want to make him feel bad about himself nor make it seem that I haven’t enjoyed the sex — because I have, just not the ending part. I don’t know how to ask him about providing oral sex. We don’t live too close to each other and the opportunity to do it is usually two-three times a month.

— Not Gushing  About Gushing

Dear Not Gushing,

We take preferences personally. Especially when it comes to sex. Someone says “Not right now,” and we hear “You’re unattractive.” Someone says “I’m not into that kink,” and we hear “You’re a freak.” Someone says “A little to the left,” and we hear “You’re bad at sex.”

When you say “You know, babe, I could do without this liquid finale” will your boyfriend hear, “I hate having sex with you”? When you say “You know what would be super hot? Having you go down on me before we bang,” will your boyfriend hear “I’ve never liked sex with you?”

Society tells us to keep quiet about sexual pleasure. This leaves us with a lot of blanks to fill in for ourselves. Blanks produce anxiety. So we fill them in; often with self-doubt, paranoia, and assumptions.

What will happen if you vocalize to your partner: “I love having sex with you. But this ending part? Not so much. Can we try something else? Like maybe you could go down on me?” Your boyfriend could take it personally. Or maybe he’ll be relieved to know what you do want. Maybe he feels insecure about his oral sex abilities. Maybe he’s just doing this because he’s reading your physical reaction as confirmation of your enjoyment.

How is he supposed to know unless you verbalize otherwise? How are you to know unless you ask?…continue reading…