Seeking DTF on the WWW

I’m seeking out dating websites that have individuals who are thoughtful and open to trying or having more casual sex, but also respect boundaries in sexual exploration. I don’t trust Craigslist, and I’m not really into OKCupid or Tinder.

I would love some guidance as to finding nice people who are, to use a term that was in a recent article of yours, DTF (Down to Fuck), but have that FFR (Feelings For Real) deal going on as well, and who believe in the importance of communication.

Since writing the column you refer to “Can I Be DTF and Still Respect Myself?” (Dec. 10, 2015) I’ve been thinking about this Tinderiffic tightrope millennials teeter on between casual sex for sex’s sake and the acknowledgement of feelings.

In “Can I Be DTF?” I encouraged the question-writer to continue to take pride in her pleasure-positive sex life while eschewing the idea that one must be void of all feelings in order to truly be DTF. In the end, I concluded that one can be both DTF and experience (and express!) FFR (Feelings for Real) simultaneously, but I continue to wonder how this can be incorporated into “Slutever Forever” sexual culture.

I’ve found one thing to be true of all sexual interactions: everything exists on a spectrum. Even in the case of DTF versus FFR. Does casual sex need to be no-strings attached? Can there be like one or two strings? Can our strings exist on a spectrum, too?…continue reading…


Can I Be DTF & Still Respect Myself?

What do you do when a DTR conversation doesn’t go your way? I’m a modern babe who’s Slutever Forever. I’m into my generation’s DTF hook-up culture, but I also want to respect my boundaries, my body, and my feelings. What do you do when you tell the guy you’ve been casually hooking up with that you actually want to date him and he’s like, “Cool, but I just want to park my dick in you for a while”? How can I respect and take care of myself and still be DTF?

Let’s first define some terms for those of us over 25:

DTR: Defining the Relationship. A talk casual hook-up partners eventually have in which they discuss how to define their relationship — for example, as “fuck buddies,” “dating,” etc.

Slutever Forever: A sex-positive term viewing “slutiness” as the free enjoyment of sex and sexual pleasure, a variation on “Whatever Forever” connoting a certain casual attitude.

DTF: Down to Fuck. Describing a temporary or longer-term state of seeking out, typically, casual sex with limited strings attached (see Slutever Forever).

I, too, appreciate this modern world where sex is readily available with a swipe on a dating app, where friends can celebrate casual, mutual orgasm with a sticky high-five, and all of our relational processes can be defined with texting-friendly abbreviations. But sometimes I fear that out with the stuffy, sexually stifling bathwater we’ve thrown the real, vulnerable, human-connection baby. Must intimacy, feelings, and attachments be pushed aside to make space to celebrate casual sex?…continue reading…