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Poor Me! I’m Too Orgasmic!

Hi Yana,

I have a little bit of a problem that most people wouldn’t consider a problem, so there aren’t a lot of resources for me. I am extremely orgasmic. Now, of course, I’m grateful for this and all, but it’s to the point that I usually come like 10-plus times during partnered sex.

One drawback is, sometimes, I feel like I can’t focus as much on my partners’ pleasure when I’m experiencing all that sensation and I feel I could be having a deeper connection with them.

The other drawback is physical; when I masturbate, I can easily surpass 10 times in 10 minutes and OMG, the leg cramps can be awful.

I guess what I’m looking for is advice on how to slow down a little bit and still enjoy myself. Any thoughts?

— Overly Orgasmic Over Here

Dear OOOH,

Too orgasmic, eh? Before some of my less orgasmic readers start shredding this week’s column in order to dry your overly-pleasured tears, let us all be reminded that both suffering and pleasure are truly in the eyes (and genitalia) of the beholder.

What sexual satisfaction often boils down to is the sense of accomplishment in relation to sexpectations: If orgasm is the goal and you “achieve” it, you might feel good about the sex you just had. If slowing down and reducing your orgasms is the goal and you “achieve” that, will you feel like you’ve hit your mark? If being present in your body with your partners is the goal, regardless of orgasm, and you fail to accomplish that experience, you might leave feeling bummed about your sexy time.

So, what I’m hearing from you, OOOH, is that your personal goal is to reduce the amount of Os, and increase the quality of those Os as a way to subsequently increase the quality of your sexual interaction with partners. Let’s do it!

First, it sounds like you’re very good at knowing how to get yourself off, either solo or with partners. Cut it out. Don’t use your fav toys. Don’t get into your fav positions. Don’t even contract those pelvic muscles! Make it a game in your head, a playful and consensual power dynamic between you and your partners, or simply a personal challenge to see how long you can last without giving in to le petit mort.

Do more sex acts that focus on your partners’, rather than your own, body…continue reading…



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Pee or ‘squirt’? Understanding vaginal ejaculation

Hi Yana,

I started masturbating when I was in high school and there would be times where something would feel good, but then I would feel my muscles relax and suddenly my bed would be wet with pee — sometimes a lot of pee. It was like in certain positions I had no control over keeping pee in my body. Sometimes it even happened if I peed before I masturbated! Then it happened in partner sex. I was having sex with someone with a penis, I was on top and suddenly I was peeing all over him. That time I did really have to pee so it made some sense. Much more recently I was having sex and my partner was fingering me, and it felt good and I was wet, but then I was really wet and when I moved there was a large wet spot on the bed. I had peed again!

Is this just a part of the way my body works? Does this happen to others? I’m trying not to be too embarrassed about it, but both times it felt pretty mortifying. I already have a lot of problems feeling comfortable when having sex with others and this worry that I will randomly pee isn’t helping.

— Peeing Problems

Hi PP –

Many people hand over their hard-earned dollars for me to teach them, in my sex educational workshops, how to do what you’re doing which, to me, sounds a lot like vaginal ejaculation — “squirting,” as the mainstream, XXX-rated world might say.

This isn’t to say that you should automatically turn that frown upside down. As with all things sexual and erotic, there are a million different strokes for just as many folks, and if squirting is one person’s holy grail and your total pain in the ass, that’s okay, too. But I wonder if connecting this damp phenomenon to your sexual pleasure rather than your perceived urinary incontinence will provide you with a wee bit of relief. (Couldn’t help myself.)

There’s one dreaded study that just keeps recirculating on my social media timelines “proving” that vaginal ejaculate is “just pee.” This unimpressive study was done on a small sample — seven people. During analysis of the sample ejaculate, researchers found three substances that are also common in urine: urea, creatinine, and uric acid. They then promptly jumped to the conclusion that all female ejaculate is JUST PEE, Y’ALL. Phew! For a minute I was worried that vaginal pleasure could stand apart from reproductive or penis-pleasing purposes. GOOD THING IT’S JUST PEE and we can go back to shaming women for enjoying their sexual bodies…continue reading…

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Do Your Kegels!

Hi Yana,

I’m a young undergraduate student and yet I’ve been having issues with bladder control. I’ve been wanting to explore doing more Kegels and have heard of these kegel balls you can get. Do you know anything about that? I want to get a good brand/the right material because, obviously, it’s going in my vagina.

— Kegel Kid

Hi KK,

I’m sorry to hear that your bladder isn’t doing what you need it to do — that sounds really frustrating.

First thing is to get checked out at your doctor. Struggling with bladder control at your age is unusual and deserves some attention.

Secondly, many people unfamiliar with the experience of G-spot ejaculation can confuse vajaculation with pee and/or bladder problems. The G-spot’s close location to the urethra can easily confuse our bodies and brains, telling us that we are actually peeing rather than releasing vaginal ejaculate.

If your bladder issues arise consistently during sex, it might be worth doing a little research about the G-spot (my old columns and website have plenty of information on this topic). If you’re having bladder issues in other everyday ways, then return to step one: visit your doctor.

“Doing your Kegels” is a drive-by piece of advice that became really popular a handful of years ago (I’m tempted to blame an episode of Sex and the City). It’s also the piece of advice I give out the most that leaves the phrase “practice what you preach” ringing in my ears the loudest. It’s something we all can/should do more — no matter our gender or genitalia.

Kegel exercises (named after yet another modest doctor who discovered them) work out your pubococcygeus (PC) muscles, which stretch along your pelvic floor and contract during that little thing called an orgasm. The easiest — but maybe not the sexiest — way to locate them is to stop your urine-stream while peeing. The muscles you use to do this are your PC muscles and interrupting your stream may be considered a Kegel exercise. Once you’ve mastered how to contract them, you can practice in places other than the pot — just make sure you’re actually flexing your PCs and not simply clenching your butt cheeks…continue reading…

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Live *WEBINAR*: The G-Spot & Vaginal Ejaculation! // July 21st

LIVE WEBINAR: The G-Spot & Vaginal Ejaculation || Thu, Jul 21, 2016 7:30 PM – 9:00 PM Eastern Standard Time {New York} || $15 per seat || 18+ || register & purchase tickets here! 

Workshop Description: This webinar busts myths about the G-Spot & Vaginal Ejaculation (it doesn’t exist! it’s the best orgasm ever! OMG PEE!!) and leaves participants with tools and tricks to learn the vaginal ejaculation trade.

This webinar lets participants tune in as I present live how to choose and utilize sex toys for G-Spot stimulation {non-explicit demonstration only}, present lube 11401179_771921860468_9034498346160463912_ndemos, and teach sexual anatomy 101 to teach about where this sneaky spot is, how to stimulate it (on yourself & others) and how to work towards the epic squirt.

Taking a holistic approach to sexual pleasure, this webinar also offers information about the clitoris, the power of our sexual context, and how to talk to partners about our pleasure. Open, honest and full of humor, this webinar reminds participants to have fun as they explore the sexual pleasure packed in this little spot.

Webinar will include time for participant questions and attendees will log off with helpful handouts and the password to my personal online selection of resources to dig into when the webinar is over.

|| Register & purchase tickets here !! || 

Read more about Yana & her work here on her About Me page.