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My GF Won’t Let Me Butter Her Toast

In your recent columns you’ve mentioned the need for sex partners to have a supply of artificial lubrication at the ready. With regard to female sex partners, artificial lubrication isn’t always needed. My first girlfriend was a gushing fountain of natural juiciness the moment we puckered up. My present girlfriend, well, we could do foreplay for a month of Sundays — not that I mind — and she would remain bone dry. So, it depends on the person.

My question is, how can I convince my girlfriend to use an artificial lubricant? She remains adamantly opposed whenever I bring up the subject.

It’s true: I constantly preach that “wetter is better.” I recommend lube for everything: vaginal sex, definitely anal sex, to use with toys (no silicone lube with silicone toys), partnered sex, solo sex — hell, even on a squeaky door hinge. Maybe someone doesn’t need lube if, (as you describe so, erm, vividly) she’s a “gushing fountain of natural juiciness.” But you also don’t need ketchup with fries, frosting with cupcakes, or chocolate syrup on your ice cream sundae. But why wouldn’t you want it?

Well, unlike frosting, women’s vaginas — and how they do or do not naturally self-lubricate — comes with a lot of baggage, and so the “need” for lube is viewed as a weakness. And because of this social self-buttering ideal, many women feel “holier than thou” for not slathering the ol’ Land-o-Lakes on their English muffins. Like they’ve achieved something grand by eating dry toast for breakfast every morning even though the jam is right there. Sound like your girlfriend?

She’s not alone. Lube-avoiders have endless excuses: I’m too young to be dry. It’ll make the condom slip off. It’s not natural. But I’m totally attracted to my partner…continue reading…