I’m seeking out dating websites that have individuals who are thoughtful and open to trying or having more casual sex, but also respect boundaries in sexual exploration. I don’t trust Craigslist, and I’m not really into OKCupid or Tinder.
I would love some guidance as to finding nice people who are, to use a term that was in a recent article of yours, DTF (Down to Fuck), but have that FFR (Feelings For Real) deal going on as well, and who believe in the importance of communication.
Since writing the column you refer to “Can I Be DTF and Still Respect Myself?” (Dec. 10, 2015) I’ve been thinking about this Tinderiffic tightrope millennials teeter on between casual sex for sex’s sake and the acknowledgement of feelings.
In “Can I Be DTF?” I encouraged the question-writer to continue to take pride in her pleasure-positive sex life while eschewing the idea that one must be void of all feelings in order to truly be DTF. In the end, I concluded that one can be both DTF and experience (and express!) FFR (Feelings for Real) simultaneously, but I continue to wonder how this can be incorporated into “Slutever Forever” sexual culture.
I’ve found one thing to be true of all sexual interactions: everything exists on a spectrum. Even in the case of DTF versus FFR. Does casual sex need to be no-strings attached? Can there be like one or two strings? Can our strings exist on a spectrum, too?…continue reading…
Every now & then I get a question emailed to me that doesn’t require an entire column to answer. These short-and-sweet Q&As will be published on my website only, under V-Spot Quickies.
I always like reading your column and learning about the sexuality of others. I’m a straight guy but my wildest erotic fantasy which I’ve seen in a few adult DVDs is seeing a woman in her forties or fifties orally satisfying a hot 20-year old girl.
Granted the scenes in the DVDs could be exaggerated along with fake orgasms but something about it seems intensely exciting.
I’m guessing that the chances of this happening in real life are probably slim to none.
Hi Hopeful Harry!
Thanks so much for reading the column & for writing me. Much of what we see in porn is exaggerated fantasy — including exaggerations of body types, orgasms, and sexual pairings. But that’s the fun of porn! It gives us entrance into a fantasy world where everything and anything is sexually and erotically possible.
As for how possible “finding” this in real life is, well, yes – I think your chances of stumbling happenstance upon a woman in her 50s with her face stuffed in a hot, 20-year-old’s vagina in your bedroom one day are quite slim to none. However, I think respectfully and carefully perusing some online hook-up sites like FetLife may give you the medium and the audience to carefully craft this sexual encounter with some interested ladies who might share in the desire to make this fantasy a reality.
Just make sure to be honest and truthful about your intentions for the encounter and be sure that everything is consensual. This is a pretty specific fantasy, so it may take some time and patience. In the meantime, porn can be a great way to delve into fantasies and get some good ideas for if and when they come true.