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Double the Pleasure w/Synced Orgasms

Hi Yana,

I recently attended one of your workshops about the G-spot and it worked! My partner and I went home that night and I squirted. But it’s so strange because when I squirt it doesn’t happen as I climax. It isn’t like a climactic orgasm. It just feels crazy good and then I squirt. We were wondering if we could time it so that I could have the clitoral climax at the same time that I squirt?

— Star Squirting Student

Dear SSS,

Holy Star Student status! Plenty of folks report success with their newly learned sexpertise from my workshops, but OMG-spot, rarely do people go straight home and start squirting all over the place the very same night. As I say in my workshops, I can spend hours giving you information, but it’s up to you to have the bravery to utilize and communicate that information to your IMG_6401partners — so good on you.

I’m so glad you bring this up as in my G-spot workshops, I aim to address many myths barring us from great G-spot explorations and pleasures including:

That it doesn’t exist. (Hi, it does — I don’t just go around teaching workshops about unicorns);

That female ejaculation is pee. (I’m a grown woman, I think I know the difference between peeing my bed and having an orgasm);

And finally, that a G-spot orgasm is the orgasm of all orgasms.

You are living, breathing, squirting proof, SSS, that this simply isn’t true for everyone. While a G-spot orgasm feels more like an internal, pleasurable release, a clitoral orgasm can often feel more surface, intense and, well, climactic.

If we look at where these two pleasurable spots are located and how they’re stimulated, this makes a lot of sense...continue reading…


LIVE WEBINAR: The G-Spot & Vaginal Ejaculation || Thu, Jul 21, 2016 7:30 PM – 9:00 PM Eastern Standard Time {New York} || $15 per seat || 18+ || details & tickets here!

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Stuck in a Cum-nundrum

Hi Yana,

My partner (cis-male) and I (queer bisexual lady) enjoy getting super hot and bothered with each other, but we’re both frustrated with my seeming inability to orgasm. When we’re fooling around, just warming up, sometimes clitoral stimulation gets so intense that it’s painful, and we have to stop. When we move toward penetrative sex and I start feeling like I’m almost there — whatever “there” is — I start having trouble breathing or just forget to breathe all together and feel like I’m going to pass out … so we have to stop. When I play with myself, I just get bored without him there and have never orgasmed there either … and stop yet again. I love my partner and all things sensual and consensual with him. We’re great at communicating about these things together so we’ve tried going slower, relaxing, having him remind me to breathe, switching positions — everything, but nothing works!

— Stuck in a Cum-nundrum

Dear Stuck,

Sounds like y’all are continuing down a traditional sex path of foreplay (clitoral stimulation), penetration, (hoping for) orgasm — what I call the Sex Schedule. Though the Sex Schedule is touted as the way to have sex, it just doesn’t work for many people — and can get real boring, besides. And if the Sex Schedule isn’t working, let’s re-schedule your sex to be more fluid (har har) and less linear.

The clitoris is packed with 8,000 nerve endings. That’s twice as many that exist in the entire penis. So, immediately treating the clitoris like you’re excitedly attempting to reveal the flavor of a new scratch-and-sniff sticker is overwhelming for most and can, as you’ve stated, feel quite painful.

Don’t start with clitoral stimulation right off the bat. Start with something else that you know you and your partner both enjoy for a strong kick-off. Maybe some making out and then penetrative sex — but only for a little while — before trying some clitoral stimulation. Or maybe he goes down on you, without heavy focus on your clitoris for now, and then penetrative sex, then clitoral stimulation.

The traditional story of the Sex Schedule has us believing that once penetration happens — especially penis-in-vagina penetration — we’re on the non-stop train to O-Town and if you can’t make it to the orgasmic destination then too bad — catch up! Boners are a wonderful part of sex. But just a part. Experiment with fitting them into your sex flow, but don’t set your entire schedule around them…continue reading…

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Fretting Over My First Vibrator

Hey Yana,

I would like to buy either a dildo or vibrator for me but I have no experience on what to buy in terms of brand or what type for my first sex toy. What would you suggest to be the best sex toy to purchase to start with?

— Fretting Over My First Vibrator Dear FOFV,

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: You’ll never find a vibrator that everyone loves. Your vagina, your clitoris and your turn-ons are all as unique as tiny little X-rated snowflakes. So, though I wish I could just give you the name of The One, I can’t; you and your dirty bits are the only ones with the power to do that. But I can send you in the right direction.

First, a sex nerd moment: Though these terms are often used interchangeably, a dildo is intended for penetration only and usually resembles a flesh-and-blood penis or a candy-colored version of something like it. A vibrator is intended primarily for external, clitoral stimulation. What makes this confusing is that sometimes dildos come with little bullet vibrators lodged in the base to add a subtle buzz. More confusing-making is that vibrators come in many shapes, from little metallic bullets to slender plastic wands, as well as insertable silicone shapes that look an awful lot like dildos, indeed.

Dildo or vibrator — it’s up to you which one you want. But what I’m assuming you want and recommending you get is a vibrator that gives you the option to penetrate. This brings us to our first rule of first-time-toys: Variety, variety, variety. Get a vibrator with multiple speeds and, if you can swing it, multiple pulsation patterns so you can experiment with what works for you — fast, slow, pulsing, consistent, with penetration, or without. As we’ve established, one size never fits all when it comes to sex so it’s important to get a toy that lets you customize…continue reading…

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Dry-humping Better Than Sex

I’m an 18-year-old girl with a sex question. I don’t orgasm during sex with a guy, but I usually do orgasm when we’re dry-humping. Do you have any advice about how sex could be made better for me? I still want to have sex to pleasure my partner, but it’s boring for me. Help me get over this hump!

It sounds like your partner needs to learn where your clitoris is! You’re probably orgasming during dry-humping because your clitoris is getting rubbed and/or stimulated consistently by whatever surface you’re dry-grinding on. This isn’t surprising as direct, consistent clitoral stimulation is a requirement for well over 75 percent of women to achieve a clitoral climax. The Cliteracy Project by artist Sophia Wallace is a really fun and accessible way for both of you to start learning more about the clitoris.

The clitoris’s climactic fondness for direct and consistent stimulation explains the popularity of clitoral vibrators and is also sadly missing from solely penetrative penis-in-vagina sex as thrusting does little to stimulate your clitoris (located externally above the vaginal opening where the folds of the labia meet). So, your new joint mission is to squash your sexual boredom and experiment with new ways to get you that consistent clitoral stimulation you’re enjoying during dry-humping. Why is this your joint mission?…continue reading…