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Hi Yana,

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. Up until a couple of months ago, I was extremely satisfied with our sex life. He wanted me all the time and would initiate sex at least one to three times daily.

Recently, we moved in together and it seems the spark has faded. We’re having sex less and I find myself left unwanted and horny. I know I can initiate sex myself, but I’m shy and don’t know what to do!

I talked to him about it and he said that he was initiating so much it made him feel less wanted and that I should “own it when I want sex.” A completely flaccid penis is intimidating to me because I fear feeling rejected if I can’t get him hard.

I know hard-ons aren’t always going to happen and that often it’s due to other factors, but I would still appreciate some tips on how to seduce my man and let him know I want sex.

— Seeking Seduction Instruction

Why Hello Seeking  Seduction,

If distance makes the heart grow fonder, living separately can also make our hard-ons grow harder; moving in together can change the landscapes of our sexual routines.

When you move in with your mate you get to see their beautiful face last thing at night and first thing in the morning. But you also become extra dialed into other things — like how many times a day (and for how long) they go to the bathroom. Living together is an intimate situation to say the least.

This adjustment period is normal. A year together and moving in: Really, this ebb is right on schedule. So how do we get that flow going?

First — stop fearing the flaccid! You can’t expect your partner’s penis to always be at full attention in your presence — even if that’s the kind of attention you deserve. It just isn’t how the cards fall, biologically and practically.

Just as women have been shamed into thinking that the wetness of their vaginas is an accurate measure of how attracted they are to their partners, the strength of a man’s boner has been used as a yardstick of sexual excitement.

Boners come (hehe) and go sometimes spontaneously, sometimes due to sexual arousal, and sometimes they just can’t get up (literally) to speed with a man’s mental state.

If you’re waiting to see a bulge in your babe’s jeans before you make any moves at all, you might be waiting around a lot more than either of you would like to…continue reading…