I’ve been seeing a great guy for almost a year now who lives one and a half hours away. We’ve seen each other less than 15 times in the past year and I do 90 percent of the driving. We talk all the time through texts, but almost every weekend we make plans and every time he’s canceled for work. I thrive off physical contact so this long distance has been really hard. When we do see each other, we usually cuddle because it’s so wonderful to just be around him.

The few times we have had sex, it’s always a fast, unromantic affair. I’ve never once had an orgasm when having sex. I try my best to help myself during sex, but have yet to have an experience that I actually enjoyed. I know he’s very into the BDSM (bondage, domination, sadism, and masochism) scene, but I haven’t seen any of that from him yet. I’m also really interested in the BDSM scene and I think having that vulnerability would help me to reach an actual orgasm.

My question is: How do I get our physical relationship from blah to great? Our sex is fast and boring and I would love for him to take his time — some foreplay wouldn’t hurt! But I’m not sure how to bring that up with him. It seems impossible to create intimacy when we never see each other, but I’m sure there have to be other people out there who have managed intimacy at a distance.


From your question I can tell that you’re a loving lady who puts a lot of thought, time, and care into your relationships: committing to someone so far away; doing all of the driving; remaining patient through countless cancellations; clearing your weekends regardless; wading through a boring, blah, unromantic, fast-and-pleasureless sex life (and only 15 times in a year!) … the list goes on about what you’ve endured for this guy. {Continued reading…}