My 12-year old is watching porn. Now what?

I’ve enjoyed hearing you speak on the sexpert panels at the Platinum Pony. Your name popped into my head today after learning my 12-year-old son has begun to dip his toes into the world of online porn. I knew it was going to happen. I just hoped it wouldn’t be so soon.

I’m planning to have a talk with him. His dad and I aren’t together and he doesn’t seem to think that this warrants a conversation. I do. Porn has its place, but not so much in the early stages of development in one’s erotic profile. I want to be that mom who has the ability to make talking about sex easier and even normal if possible. You mentioned that you teach sex education workshops for teens. Do you teach or have resources to offer parents of tweens?

Do I teach workshops, you ask? You bet your bottom orgasm I do! I teach workshops on everything I write about: G-spots, prostates, vibrators, lube, kink, polyamory, etc. Like my writing, my sex education style is normalizing, light-hearted, and pleasure-positive….continue reading…


Masturbation Relations

Is it normal for my husband to jerk off four times in a day? And then not want me?

Maintaining a certain amount of individualism while you’re in a relationship with someone is a completely healthy — and, in fact, recommended — thing to do, especially when we’re talking long-term relationships. Pursuing your own interests, alone time, friends, goals and yes, even sexual pleasure, isn’t a bad thing. Masturbation and self-love are both unique styles of sex that, by sheer definition, can’t be done by another person and can be a valuable part of one’s sexual repertoire. Masturbation is a great way to try new things before debuting them in front of your partner, to search for new ways of orgasming (heeerrrreee g-spot, g-spot), and an excellent way to let off some steam in the grip of your mid-day stress.

Masturbation is a pleasurable cure for headaches, fatigue and general edginess as the endorphins and chemicals released in your body during orgasm have all kinds of pleasant effects. Masturbation for both men and women is healthy, normal, and fun. And quite frankly, one of the best things about it is that it’s one of the few gifts you can give to yourself, by yourself, with nothing more than your hand, a little spit and a few minutes of privacy.

The masturbation isn’t the issue here, XO, it’s your feeling unwanted, your husband’s use of masturbation, and the lack of communication about the masturbation...continue reading…


Dating Cliches That Need to Go

So many sex and dating clichés, so many hot-tub induced yeast-infections, accidental sex farts, and awkward threesomes.

Here’s to half-a-dozen intimate “ideals” that gotta go:

∎ Subtly hit on your crush. No. Make that flirting obvious as hell. I don’t mean in a creepy, non-consensual way. Take a little time to read your crush’s vibe, like are they seeing someone? Do they want to be seeing someone? Are they even interested in your specific gender? But once you’re pretty sure y’all are vibin’, don’t waste your time dropping, “so, what are you doing this weekend?” hints and, “I’ve got an extra concert ticket” breadcrumbs. Telling someone you think they’re beautiful and awesome and you want to take them on a proper date is swoon-worthy, not to mention time-efficient (which, to me, is also swoon-worthy). Chivalry isn’t dead, but being indirect about what you want is….continue reading…


At The End of My (Long-Distance) Rope

I’ve been seeing a great guy for almost a year now who lives one and a half hours away. We’ve seen each other less than 15 times in the past year and I do 90 percent of the driving. We talk all the time through texts, but almost every weekend we make plans and every time he’s canceled for work. I thrive off physical contact so this long distance has been really hard. When we do see each other, we usually cuddle because it’s so wonderful to just be around him.

The few times we have had sex, it’s always a fast, unromantic affair. I’ve never once had an orgasm when having sex. I try my best to help myself during sex, but have yet to have an experience that I actually enjoyed. I know he’s very into the BDSM (bondage, domination, sadism, and masochism) scene, but I haven’t seen any of that from him yet. I’m also really interested in the BDSM scene and I think having that vulnerability would help me to reach an actual orgasm.

My question is: How do I get our physical relationship from blah to great? Our sex is fast and boring and I would love for him to take his time — some foreplay wouldn’t hurt! But I’m not sure how to bring that up with him. It seems impossible to create intimacy when we never see each other, but I’m sure there have to be other people out there who have managed intimacy at a distance.


From your question I can tell that you’re a loving lady who puts a lot of thought, time, and care into your relationships: committing to someone so far away; doing all of the driving; remaining patient through countless cancellations; clearing your weekends regardless; wading through a boring, blah, unromantic, fast-and-pleasureless sex life (and only 15 times in a year!) … the list goes on about what you’ve endured for this guy. {Continued reading…}