Aftercare is Not a Grey Area

A housewife’s wet dream, Fifty Shades of Grey, hit the big screen this past month — and hit it hard.

The popularity of the book series, and now movie, has caused quite the stir in the practicing BDSM (bondage, dominance/submission, sadism/masochism) community, specifically around the movie overlooking what makes BDSM different from domestic violence, coercion, and abuse; namely, informed consent and responsible aftercare. No matter where you stand (or sit — good girl!) on 50 Shades, this debate has provided a great opportunity to revisit the importance of consent and — as this column will tackle — aftercare. Continued…


Finding the Male G-Spot

If you’re a loyal reader (and you should be), you know that I recently wrote a column that asked the ever-important anal sex question, “Why the avoidance, bros?”

I then systematically listed and destroyed the pesky barriers to male anal sex and prostate stimulation, squashing rumors that prostate play (and therefore anal sex) is inherently “dirty,” “painful,” or will somehow magically change your sexual orientation from straight to gay.

For those of you behind on the behind-sex talk, the prostate is a soft, walnut-shaped orgasm turbo-switch surrounding the male body’s urethra just below the bladder. It’s located at the bulb of the penis where the shaft connects to the body, behind the pubic bone. The prostate is not actually in the rectum, but it can be felt through the rectum’s front wall, so it’s easiest reached via anal penetration. When a man is turned on, the prostate (also known as the P-Spot or the Male G-Spot) swells with fluid which is then expelled during ejaculation. More importantly, prostate stimulation leads to simply killer male orgasms. Continued…


When Can We Ditch the Rubbers?

After how many months of no symptoms can one safely assume he or she is free of sexually transmitted diseases?

I’m in a monogamous relationship right now with someone who’s just as healthy as I am, and we’re wondering how long until we can be reasonably sure we won’t pass each other anything. My partner is an excessively careful person. We’ve been in a committed relationship for about five months and my partner uses an IUD. We are safe to forgo condoms, correct?

I’m so happy that you and your partner are actively discussing your sexual health and negotiating your safer sex approach. But why be “reasonably sure” when you can just be “sure” about your sexual health status? Continued…


A Straight Boy & His Butt

— The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure by Charlie Glickman, Ph.D. and Aislinn Emirzian

— Customer review for the Aneros male G-spot stimulator at

— Kara X., my friend

If I had a prostate, aka the P-spot, aka the male G-spot, I would be all over that thing….continued...


(Maybe) Monogamous Mona

I’m in a relatively recent relationship, eight months, and my girlfriend is bisexual — not a problem — and polyamorous. I’ve known this from the beginning and I decided that I was okay with it. But I’m getting so heartbroken at the idea of her with someone else. Is there anything I can tell myself to help with that?

The deep emotional connection that she has with others isn’t a problem and it’s not like she sees 100 others. She just sees one guy, they don’t see each other often, they don’t make love together, and I’m her main relationship. But knowing that she speaks of him as her boyfriend and hearing her say she might love him, and especially their sharing of intimacy like kisses, hugs, maybe sleeping with him is driving me crazy.

She tells me that monogamy, for her, is possessive. For me, monogamy is the way to make someone special to you. How can I reconcile these two perceptions for the health of our relationship?

You are getting played and played hard.

I’m a believer in polyamory, open relationships, and non-monogamy as relationship styles people are free to choose that work for them and their partners….continued