We’re socialized to not ask for what we want. This applies to promotions, the best looking cookie in the cafe’s pastry case and, of course, sex. When we pointedly ask for what we want, we’re seen as selfish, greedy, finicky and maybe even a little mean. When women ask for what they want in bed they’re stamped with ye olde “slut” badge. When men ask, they’re viewed as non-masculinely picky: you have a penis for fuck’s sake how difficult can it really be to please? No wonder we’re not asking for what we want in the sack.
The assumption that we’re only good at The Sex if we know exactly what our partners want just by getting naked with them is totally absurd. Yet media everywhere (myself included) cash in on giving you tips to “give her what she wants” and “how to blow his mind”.
Well, here’s the simple answer to all of these supposed sexual mysteries: Ask.
This is the truth: if you ask for what you want and need, you are more likely to get it than if you don’t. Continued…